Laziness is hard work. Every time I suppress the urge to wander off into fear and worry, I am rewarded with something good arising from a situation where my normal impulse is to overplan and control. This action and awareness is being reinforced by meditative practice, and is probably coming ultimately from a recognition of the fact that I can’t keep tabs on all aspects of all plans and activities at all times. (Which is one of those obvious recognitions which is nonetheless tricky to act on, since who ever said that our natural responses are sensible ones?)
But this is a good practice for me. Everyone else seems to muddle along more or less, without getting their knickers in a twist over every microfeature of the situation. So why not me? As a confirmed perfectionist and control freak, it’s a discipline to let go (and let god, ha ha). But I am slowly learning that there is value in this: preparing the groundwork for success, clearing the mind, putting some of the pieces in place, preparing the remarks, recognizing the vital features of the situation… once the prep is finished, there is no sense trying to micromanage the process or its outcomes; all well-meaning efforts in that direction are likely only to tangle up the organic flowering of the moment. Stand back; become a participant; relinquish control; allow the owners to find themselves.
Slow learning, but learning.
